How To Lead When Nobody Respects You Yet

What No One Tells You — #10 How To Lead When Nobody Respects You Yet YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YQU_j6ltnQ —————————————————————————————————————————————————— So, you just started leading a team. Maybe you got promoted internally. Maybe you joined a new company. Maybe you took over a team that's been together for years and you're the outsider. You walk into your first team meeting and you immediately feel it. People are crossing their arms, checking their phones, and when you start talking, someone interrupts you mids sentence to clarify what you just said, which is really just because they are polite and they're telling everyone you don't know what you're talking about. These people don't respect you, not yet. Maybe they think you don't deserve this role. Maybe they're royal to the previous manager. Or maybe they're just testing you. But you're standing there with your brand new manager title and absolutely zero authority in that room. Welcome to What No One Tells You, the podcast for managers who want the real talk about leadership, not the corporate nonsense. My name is Claudia and today we're talking about how you actually lead when your team doesn't respect you yet. Here is what nobody tells you when you take on a new team. The title doesn't mean anything. Not at first. You can have manager on your business card. You can have the salary. You can have the approval from the upper management. But if your team doesn't respect you, you're just a person with a fancy title who makes their lives more complicated. And your instinct when you feel disrespected is to impose yourself, to show them who's the boss, to make decisions without asking for input, to walk into that next meeting and remind everyone that you are the manager. Now, don't do that because that's exactly how you lose whatever tiny bit of respect you might have had. What happens instead is that people start complying on the surface while resenting you underneath. And that resentment builds until either they leave or they make your life absolutely miserable. This is what it's called the authority paradox. The harder you try to impose your authority, the less authority you actually have. Think about the managers you respected in your career. Did they walk around reminding everyone that they were the boss? No. You just knew. You respected them because of how they showed up, not because of what their business card said. But when you're new and scared and feeling disrespected, your brain screams at you to do something, to prove yourself, to show strength. And that's when you make the classic mistake. You start saying things like, "Well, I am the manager. I've decided or this isn't up to discussion." And every single time you say something like that, you lose a little bit more respect. Because what people hear is not confidence. What they hear is insecurity. What they hear is someone who needs to remind people of their title because they don't actually have the respect that should come with it. Now, let's talk about what makes this even harder. You probably got people in your team who are confident, experienced, uh who have their own ideas about how things should work and who aren't afraid to speak up. These are often your most talented people. They're not challenging you because they're trying to make your life difficult. They are challenging you because they're competent and they know it. And they're not going to just fall in line because someone new showed up with a new manager title. And this is the trap that catches most new managers. You can't ignore these people. You can't go around them. You can't just tell them to get in line. Because if you try that, one of two things will happen. Either they leave and you lose your best talent or they stay and they undermine you at every single opportunity. They're complying with what you say in the meeting and then have a different conversation in the hallway. They'll do exactly what you asked, but in a way that proves your approach doesn't work. So, what do you actually do? How do you lead people who don't respect you yet? Especially when some of them are really good at what they do and know it. First thing, and I need you to really hear this because it goes against every instinct you have right now. Stop trying to win. This isn't a competition. You're not trying to prove you're smarter or more experienced than the people who have been doing this job for years. The moment you turn this into a contest of who is better, you have already lost. Instead, when someone challenges you in the meeting, when they interrupt you to clarify what you meant, and when they question your approach, don't get defensive. Don't shut them down. Ask them what they would do. Ask them to share their experience. Make them part of the solution instead of the problem because because this is what happens. They were expecting you to pull rank. They were ready for a fight, but you didn't fight. You asked for their expertise. You made them a partner instead of an opponent. And suddenly the dynamic shifts. Now, let me give you some specific things you can do that actually work. First, in your first week, resist the urge to make any big changes. I know that you're excited, and I know that you have ideas, and I know that you see things that could be better, but hold off. Spend your first week asking questions instead of giving answers. Ask what's been tried before. Ask what didn't work and why. This does two things. It stops you from suggesting something they already tried and failed at three, like three years ago, which could make you look clueless. And it shows the team that you're not here to stream them with your brilliant ideas. You're here to understand first. Second, make your first few decisions reversible once. Don't walk in and recognize everything. Don't change processes that have been working for years just to put your stamp on things. Start with small changes that you can adjust if they don't work. And here's the key. When you make that first decision, explain your reasoning out loud. Say something like, "Here's what I'm thinking and why. I could be wrong about this, so let's try it for two weeks and see what happens." That phrase, "I could be wrong at this," is pure gold. It shows confidence in your decision while leaving room to change course. And when something doesn't work, you actually change it. You admit it didn't work and you try something else. That flexibility builds more respect than being right ever will. Third, when you disagree with someone on your team, do it in a way that makes them want to work with you, not against you. Here is a phrase that you can use that works incredibly well. I see where you're coming from and here is what worries me about that approach. How do we address that concern? You're not saying their idea is bad and you're not dismissing them. You're making them part of solving that problem that you see. And even if you not end up doing their way, they feel heard and they understand your reasoning. They might not agree with your decision, but they respect what you that you took their perspective seriously. Fourth, and this is one that takes real courage, admit that you don't know something. When someone asks you a question and you don't have the answer, don't make something up. Don't try to sound smart. Just say, "I don't know, but I will find out." Or, "I haven't dealt with that before. What's your experience with that?" This terrifies new managers because they think admitted they don't know something makes them look weak. But it's exactly the opposite. It makes you look honest. And in a world where most managers pretend to have all the answers, honesty stands out. Here is another practical one. When someone on your team does good work, tell them specifically that they did well and why it mattered. Not just good job, but the way you handled that client call was really smart. You acknowledged their frustration before jumping to solution, and that's what turned the conversation around. Good job. Specific recognition like that does two things. It shows that you're actually paying attention to their work, not just managing from a distance. And it shows you understand what good work looks like in this team, which builds credibility very fast. And one more thing that most managers completely miss in your first month. Find one thing that's annoying your team and fix it. Not a big strategic initiative. Something small that's been bothering them for months or years even that nobody has dealt with. Maybe it's a stupid approval process. Maybe it's a meeting that should actually be an email. Maybe it's an outdated software that that makes their job harder. Pick one thing, fix it, and make sure they know you fixed it because they told you it was a problem. This shows them that you're not just here to boss them around. You're here to make their work lives easier. And that changes how they see you. So, here is the secret that took me years to understand. Respect isn't something you demand. It's not something that automatically comes with the title. It's something you earn by showing respect first. You respect their experience. You respect their opinions. You respect their right to disagree with you. And slowly over time, they start to respect you back. Not because you have a manager title, but because you have shown them that having the title doesn't make you think you are better than them. It makes you responsible for creating an environment where everyone can do their best work, including them. Will this fix everything overnight? Absolutely not. Some people will never respect you no matter what you do. But most people, most of the time, will respond to genuine respect with respect in return. It just takes time. And that's the hardest part. You want the respect now. You want the authority now, but it doesn't work that way. You have to earn it conversation by conversation, decision by decision, day by day. So, if you just started leading a team and you're struggling with people who don't respect you yet, remember this. Stop trying to impose yourself. Stop trying to prove you deserve the role. Instead, ask questions before making changes. Make reversible decisions. Disagree without dismissing. Admit when you don't know. Give specific recognition. Fix something annoying. Show respect first and give it time. The authority you're looking for doesn't come from the title. It comes from how you use it. And now you know because I told you. All right. So, that was episode 10 of What No One Tells You podcast. If this resonated with you, send it to that manager friend who just took a role on a new team. Maybe they need to hear this. This episode drops every Monday, so I'll see you next week with more real talk about leadership. Now go out there and earn that respect.