Why your team is lying to you

What No One Tells You — #1 Why your team is lying to you YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jkoqr_xLFNs —————————————————————————————————————————————————— In yesterday teams meeting, someone said, "That sounds great. I'm really happy to take that on." But what they were really thinking was, "This is a terrible idea and I'm already drowning." How do I know that? Because I work in HR and I know what people say in meetings and what they tell me afterwards when your door is closed. My name is Claudia Slugjito and this is What No One Tells You podcast. Welcome to the very first episode of What No One Tells You podcast. And I'm genuinely excited to be here. So, why does this podcast exist in the first place? Because I've spent years in HR and coaching, which means I have a rather unique position. Managers tell me one version of what's happening and then I talk to their teams and I hear a completely different story. And the gap between those two versions, it's enormous. Manager think their teams are engaged, happy and productive and meanwhile their best people are updating their CVs. Their teams are frustrated but silent and everyone is just performing performing engagement, performing agreement, performing enthusiasm. Nobody is actually saying what they really think. And here is what frustrates me is the same patterns everywhere, the same communication gaps, and the same avoidable disasters. And nobody's actually telling managers what is actually happening. So that's what this podcast is. And each week, I'm going to tell you what nobody else will ever tell you. The unspoken truth about leadership and the gap between what your team says and what they actually think. the patterns that you are missing. No corporate language, no theories, just honest conversation about what's really happening. So today's topic is going to be why your team is lying to you. Not maliciously, but constantly, and I'm going to show you exactly what they're really thinking. So, let's go. Picture a team meeting, Tuesday morning at 10:00. Eight people around the table. You are the manager and you are presenting a new initiative. It's about a reorganization of how the team handles client requests. You have thought this through quite carefully and it makes a lot of sense. So you ask, "Do you have any concerns or any questions?" Silence. Then someone says, "No, this looks rather good. It makes sense." Another person nods and says, "Happy to give it a try." A third person is saying, "Sounds fine to me." And the meeting ends. You feel quite good. Your team seems to be on board. But here is what was actually happening in that room. The person who said, "This looks good." They were maybe rather thinking, "This is going to create chaos. We tried something similar two years ago and it was a disaster, but clearly nobody remembers that. So why bother saying anything at all? The person who said happy to give it a try. They were thinking I have absolutely no capacity to do this and I'm already working in the evening but if I say that I will look like I'm not a team player. The person who said sounds fine, they were thinking I don't understand half of what was just explained but everyone else seems to get it so I'll just figure it out later. Your team just lied to you three times in five minutes and you have no idea. Now let me show you how often this happens. Let's take example one, the deadline. You say, "Can we have this done by Friday?" And your team member says, "Yes, no problem." But what they're actually thinking is, "Absolutely not. I will need to work the entire weekend, but everyone else just said yes, so I cannot be the one who says no. Let's take example two, the feedback. You ask, "How do you feel about the new process?" And they answer, "It's absolutely fine. Just taking some to get used to, but it's fine." What they're really thinking, "It's added two hours to my day, and nobody asked us before implementing it. But fine is safer than honest." And if we take example three, the workload, you check in. How is everything going? Manageable. And they say, busy, but managing. What they're really thinking is, I'm drowning. I worked until midnight yesterday. But if I admit I cannot cope, maybe I'm not good enough for this role. Do you see the pattern? Your team isn't telling you the truth. They're telling you what feels safe. Now before you think my team wouldn't do this or we have an open culture, let me explain why this happens everywhere. It's not about bad people or toxic culture. It's about basic human psychology. I will tell you four reasons, main reasons why this is happening. Reason one, social proof. When the first person in a meeting agrees with you, everyone else feels the pressure to agree as well. Nobody wants to be the dissenting voice when everyone else seems to be on board. Even if half the room disagrees, they will stay silent because they assume they're the only one. Reason two, risk assessment. Your team is constantly calculating. Is it worth speaking up? If speaking up might made me look negative, uncommitted or incapable and staying silent costs me nothing in this moment, silence wins. They're not thinking about the long-term cost. They're thinking about surviving this meeting. Reason three, power dynamics. You're the manager. You have influence over their careers, their workload, their opportunities. Even if you're the most approachable person in the world, that power dynamic exists and it makes honesty risky. Reason four, past experience. Maybe 6 months ago, someone raised a concern in a meeting and you with good intentions, you explain why their concern wasn't valid. You thought you were being helpful and clarifying and providing context. But what they learned was when I raise concerns, I get explanations for why I am being wrong. So I will stop raising concerns. Here is what nobody tells you. You have probably trained your team not to be honest with you without meaning to, without even realizing it. And now you're managing based on what they are willing to say, not what's actually true. So, how do you know if your team is performing agreement rather than giving the truth? Here are five signs to watch for. Sign one, quick agreement. If you propose something and get immediate yes from everyone, be suspicious. Real agreement takes time. People need to think through implications, ask questions, and consider concerns. Instant agreement usually means people haven't actually engaged with what you said. They're just agreed to make the meeting move forward. Signed to vague responses. Listen for words like fine, okay, manageable, we'll figure it out. These are placeholder words and they mean I don't want to get into the real conversation right now. If someone says, "How is the project going?" and you say, "Fine." You're not giving real information. You are just closing the conversation. Your team does the same thing. Sign three, no push back. If you never get disagreement, never get alternative suggestions, and never get have we considered, that's not because your ideas are perfect. That's because people have stopped offering alternatives. Sign four, hallway conversations. The real opinions come out after the meeting, in the hallway, in private chats, in oneto ones. If people say things to each other uh that they don't say in team meetings, you have an honesty problem. Sign five, surprises. If you're regularly surprised by problems, delays, or frustrations, it's because people aren't telling you about issues early. They're waiting until it's undeniable. Because raising problems earlier feels risky. So, if you're seeing three or more of these signs, your team isn't being honest with you. Not because they're bad people, but because you haven't created the conditions where honesty feels safe. Right now, let's talk about what to do about this. Because you cannot just demand honesty. You cannot tell people just be more open with me. That doesn't work. You have to create a psychological safety, which means changing your own behavior first. And here is how. Action one, reward descent. The next time someone disagrees with you in a meeting, thank them genuinely. That's a really good point. I hadn't considered that angle. Thank you for raising it. And do this publicly so everyone sees that disagreement doesn't lead to defensiveness. One manager I worked with started saying who sees this differently instead of any questions. That one phrase shift changed everything because it explicitly invited alternative views. Action two, admit uncertainty. Stop presenting every decision as final and perfect. Instead of here's what we are doing, try here's what I'm thinking. What am I missing? The moment you admit you might be wrong, people feel permission to point out problems. Action three, ask better questions. Stop asking, "Are you okay with this?" That's a yes or no question that defaults to a yes. Start asking what concerns you about this or um what would make this easier or what am I not seeing? These questions assume there are concerns so people don't have to be the first to introduce negativity. Action four, create anonymous channels. Sometimes people need to test the waters before speaking publicly. Anonymous surveys, suggestion boxes, feedback forms, these aren't perfect, but they give you data you wouldn't otherwise get. One manager I know does a monthly what's one thing I should know that I probably don't know anonymous form. And the insights she gets are invaluable. Action five, follow up privately. After a meeting where everyone agreed too quickly, talk to people individually. In the meeting, everyone said that they were fine with the new process. But I want to hear what you actually think. What's your honest reaction in a onetoone? People are more often willing to share the truth. This isn't about one conversation. It's about consistently demonstrating that honesty is safe. Every time someone raises a concern and you get defensive, you teach them to stop. Every time someone disagrees and you thank them, you teach them to continue. You're training your team every single day. Make sure you're training them to tell you the truth. Now, let me be realistic. You will never get complete honesty all the time. Some things people will never say in group settings. That's human nature. But you can shift the balance right now. If your team is showing these five signs I mentioned, they're performing agreement far more often that they're being honest. And your goal is to tip that balance so that most of the time people say what they actually think and only occasionally hold back for legitimate reasons. And when you get there, you have better decisions because you're working with real information, fewer surprises because problems surface earlier, and more innovation because people share ideas, and honestly, less exhausting leadership because you're not constantly wondering what is it that you are missing. So, here's the truth about your team lying to you. They're not bad people. They're not untrustworthy. They're just responding rationally to the environment that you have created. An environment where agreement is easy and disagreement is risky. Where going along is safe and speaking up is uncertain. Where fine gets you out of the conversation and honesty extends it. You create a diet environment which means that you can change it. So start this week. Pick one of the five actions and try it consistently. Reward the first person who agrees with you and just ask what concerns you instead of asking any questions. Follow up privately after meetings. Small changes and consistently applied and your team wants to tell you the truth. They're just waiting for proof that it's actually safe. Give them that proof. So that's episode one of What No One Tells You podcast. I'm looking forward to see you here next week for the next episode. And until then, listen for vague answers and notice quick agreements. Ask better questions and make honesty safe. My name is Claudius Lujito and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming. And if you recognize these patterns in your own team, try one of these actions this week. I would love to hear what happens.