Giving feedback that lands

What No One Tells You — #2 Giving Feedback That Lands YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkAIbF6Y5WA —————————————————————————————————————————————————— Welcome to episode two of What No One Tells You, the podcast where we skip the theory and dive straight into what actually works in leadership. My name is Claudia Slojito and today we're tackling feedback in a way you've never heard before. No corporate speak, just battle tested strategies you can use even starting tomorrow morning. Let's get into it. Here's what no one tells you about feedback. The reason it doesn't work isn't because you're doing it wrong. It's because you're doing it at the wrong time, in the wrong way, and for the wrong reasons. I have spent 18 years in HR leadership, and I've watched thousands of feedback conversations. The best ones, they don't feel like feedback at all. They feel like partnership. And today, I'm giving you the entire playbook. Not three tips, not five principles. We are going deep. By the end of this episode, you'll have a dozen immediately actionable strategies that will transform how your team responds to feedback starting tomorrow. Are you ready? First, let's blow up everything you know about when to give feedback. Start with the 60-second window. When you see something worth praising, you have 60 seconds to say it. Not later and not in the next oneonone. right now. Hey, the way you just handled the difficult question in the meeting, that was masterful. You stayed calm and turned their concern into a solution. Immediate positive feedback creates neural pathways and your team starts repeating the behavior because the reward was instant. For corrections, you've got 24 hours maximum. After that, the context fades and defensiveness increases. But here's the trick. Within those 24 hours, pick the moment when the person is calm and receptive, not right after the mistake when emotions are high. I usually wait two, three hours, then approach with, "Do you have 10 minutes? I would like to talk through this morning client call while it's still fresh." Now, here's something that a manager does every single week. The Friday wins ritual. Every Friday at 4 PM, the manager sends one team member a specific message about something they did exceptionally well that week. He makes it detailed. He makes it personal. This does two things. It ends their week on a high note and it creates an expectation that excellence gets noticed. After a few months, your entire team will start hunting for opportunities to excel because they want to be Friday's recipient. Words matter more than you think. Here's how the best leaders actually phrase feedback. They never start with you need to or you should. Start with I noticed. I noticed you've been staying late three nights this week to finish the reports or I noticed the client call you directly instead of going through channels. I noticed is neutral. It's an observation, not a not a judgment. It invites conversation instead of triggering defense. When giving critical feedback, use what I call the data sandwich. Specific data, impact on goals, and question. For example, in the last four project updates, deadlines were extending by an average of 5 days. This is affecting our ability to commit to client timelines. What's getting in the way of hitting the dates? No emotion, no blame, just facts and curiosity. This approach disarms defensiveness because there is nothing to defense against. You're just discussing observable reality. Here is something subtle but powerful. Replace but with and. You did great on the presentation but the data section needs work. It creates a contradiction. It erases the praise. You can try saying instead, "You did great on the presentation." And strengthening the data section will make it even more convincing next time. And allows both things to be true. It's addictive, not contradictory. And most feedback looks backward. For example, you didn't communicate clearly in that email, but try to flip it forward. In your next client email, try opening with a key decision they need to make. Then the supporting details. Future focused feedback feels like coaching, not criticism, and people learn instead of shutting down. The best feedback happens before you open your mouth. And here's what exceptional leaders do in preparation. Before any development feedback conversation, have three specific examples ready. Not one, three. One example is an incident. Three examples is a pattern. I will give you an example. In Monday's meeting, Wednesday call, and Friday email, in all three, I noticed the same communication gap. Patterns are undeniable and less likely to be dismissed as a one-off. And 30 minutes before a feedback conversation, send this message. In our meeting, I would like to discuss the Project Phoenix timeline and outcomes. Before we talk, I would love your perspective. What went well? What would you approach differently next time? This gives them time to self-reflect. And when you sit down, they've already done half the work. You're responding to their self assessment and not imposing your view. Script your opening. Write out your first two sentences word for word before the meeting. Not the whole conversation, just the opening. Why? Because how you start determines whether they engage or defend. For example, a go-to opening would be, I want to invest 15 minutes talking about a specific situation because I see potential for you to level up in specific skill and I want to help you get there. This frames the conversation as investment for their growth, not punishment for their failure. These are the strategies that separate good leaders from exceptional ones. After giving feedback, ask this exact question. Now that you've heard my perspective, what feedback do you have for me? What could I do differently as your leader to help you succeed in this area? This is powerful for two reasons. First, it models vulnerability. You're willing to receive what you just gave. Second, it often reveals systemic issues. Maybe they're missing tools, clarity, or support. You can't fix what you don't know. Here's what no one tells you. Feedback without follow-up is just venting. 72 hours after a development feedback conversation, check-in. Not with did you fix it? But with I'm thinking about our conversation on Tuesday. What's been on your mind since then and what support do you need? This shows you're invested in their growth, not just identify the gaps. And it catches course correction early before small issues become big problems. Now I will give you the scripts for the moments that make leaders sweat. When someone cries, don't panic. Don't backpedal. Say this. I can see this is emotional and that's okay. Take the time you need. I'm sharing this because I believe in your capability, not because I doubt it. Pause, offer a tissue, and wait. Let them compose themselves. Then say, "Do you want to continue now or should we take a break and reconvene in 30 minutes?" You're acknowledging emotion without making it wrong. Then when someone gets defensive, resistance is information. They're protecting something. Maybe they don't have full context. Maybe they feel ambushed. Maybe they disagree with your assessment. Say this. I'm sensing some disagreement and I want to understand your perspective. Walk me through how you saw the situation unfold. Then stop talking. Listen completely. Often their defensiveness melts once they feel hurt. If they're right and you're wrong, say so. If you're both partially right, acknowledge that, too. When you receive feedback poorly, this will happen. Someone in your team will give you feedback and you'll feel defensive. Here's your move. You know what? I need to sit with this. My gut reaction is defensive, which means there's something here I need to think about. Can we continue this conversation tomorrow after I've processed? Then actually process it. Journal it or talk to a peer. come back and say, "I've thought about what you said and you're right about a specific thing. Here's what I'm going to change." All right. So, here is your homework for this week. Pick three of these strategies and apply them. Tomorrow morning, use the 60-second window to give immediate positive feedback to someone on your team. In the next 48 hours, apply the I noticed opening and the data sandwich to one piece of development feedback. and Friday, start the Friday wins ritual. Send that message. These aren't theory. These are the tools. And the difference between where you are now and where you want to be as a leader is simply a matter of using them. If this episode gave you even one strategy that you're excited to try, I want to hear about it. Find me on LinkedIn. My name is Talia Sto and tell me which one resonated most or share how it went when you applied it. And next episode, we're going deep on a question I get constantly. How do you delegate without micromanaging? I'm giving you the delegation matrix that changed everything. Until then, remember, feedback is not about control, it's about acceleration. And when you give feedback that lands, you're not just improving performance. You're building trust, capability, and loyalty. Thanks for listening What No One Tells You podcast. Let's lead better together.